Rough day in L and D

Yesterday I went to see the perinatologist to measure the babies abdomen and see if he has been growing. My husband and I went in feeling completely optimistic, he had to have grown, everything was going to be great, right?

The tech measured the baby and his abdomen was still measuring small, now in the 5th percentile, but he also had gained a pound, he's up to 4lbs 2 oz! That's a good sign. I noticed she was spending a lot of time looking at his heart, I told her at out last fetal cardiologist visit she noticed some fluid, within range, around his heart, the tech said she's more concerned with his heart rate at this point. I looked on the screen and his heart was racing at 207bpm. Instantly, I felt sick to my stomach. The nurse could tell something was wrong and had me lay on my side and for me a wet rag. I felt faint, more because I was so nervous about the baby. Another thing! Seriously!? I felt like I had been so strong this whole time and now this. The tech went to get the doctor immediately. He checked me out, saw the baby's heart rate and eventually got it down to 180bpm. I asked about the fluid around the heart and he said it's probably from my lupus and other problems. Just when the baby was stable, his heart rate shot back up so they decide to send me to labor and delivery for monitoring. 

Going to the hospital, I felt like I was running on my autonomic nervous system, having no real comprehension of anything around me, I was a zombie. I was in shock and so scared. I was now 34 weeks pregnant and I knew the baby had a good chance of surviving if they had to take it out but I wasn't prepared to hear he has any kind of heart problem.

Unfortunately, they were super busy there and we had to wait for them to "mop the floor" of a labor room that had just emptied (gross)! We waited almost 2 hiurs and finally got hooked up to monitors. My seemed rather out of it and not very comforting. The babies heart rate was now down to an average of 135bpm which is totally different! I was pissed bc I thought maybe if we got in sooner they would see his heart racing. Instead I stayed for an hour and they said I could go home now. I wept in the room. I told the nurse I was scared! How am I to know when my babies heart is racing? I can't feel it! Instead I have to wait another week to see the doctor, meanwhile I'm at home like a sobbing mess, counting kicks, being paranoid, and trying to just lay on my side. This is going to be the worst week ever!

32 weeks pregnant baby measuring small

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I have passed my goal of making past when Miller was born of 31 weeks 3 days! I was super excited until I had my appointment with the high risk doctor. Baby Angus is measuring very tiny. His head and limbs seem to be average but his abdomen is only in the 7th percentile.

I was confused when I first heard, I'm not a tiny person by any means and I have been on disability since my 17th week of pregnancy so it's not like I'm super active. They advised me to up my protein and calorie intake do little to no movement except walking around the house, eat 6 meals a day, and lay on my side most of the day. I can't completely be on bedrest because of my blood clotting disorder so I just have to find a balance.

The next day I went to my OB still saddened and confused by why my baby is so tiny. She said that when just the babies abdomen is small, there body is compensating for not getting enough nutrition so it works hard to keep the brain an average size. This could be because of either malnutrition or my placenta isn't working properly. I have gained 23 lbs this pregnancy so I highly doubt it is malnutrition, but the other option seems a lot more scary. Maybe my APS is messing up blood flow to my placenta? I go back to the doctor on July 1st to see if the baby has progressed, if not they may have to take the baby out because he would grow better outside my womb. It is heartbreaking knowing that my body just can't do its job. 

On a better note, we got to take a 3d ultrasound of our little guy and he looks like a handsome fellow already. My heart is getting bigger everyday with all the love I feel. 

This is a picture side by side if Miller and Angus at the same gestational age, one outside the womb, one inside:)