Rough day in L and D

Yesterday I went to see the perinatologist to measure the babies abdomen and see if he has been growing. My husband and I went in feeling completely optimistic, he had to have grown, everything was going to be great, right?

The tech measured the baby and his abdomen was still measuring small, now in the 5th percentile, but he also had gained a pound, he's up to 4lbs 2 oz! That's a good sign. I noticed she was spending a lot of time looking at his heart, I told her at out last fetal cardiologist visit she noticed some fluid, within range, around his heart, the tech said she's more concerned with his heart rate at this point. I looked on the screen and his heart was racing at 207bpm. Instantly, I felt sick to my stomach. The nurse could tell something was wrong and had me lay on my side and for me a wet rag. I felt faint, more because I was so nervous about the baby. Another thing! Seriously!? I felt like I had been so strong this whole time and now this. The tech went to get the doctor immediately. He checked me out, saw the baby's heart rate and eventually got it down to 180bpm. I asked about the fluid around the heart and he said it's probably from my lupus and other problems. Just when the baby was stable, his heart rate shot back up so they decide to send me to labor and delivery for monitoring. 

Going to the hospital, I felt like I was running on my autonomic nervous system, having no real comprehension of anything around me, I was a zombie. I was in shock and so scared. I was now 34 weeks pregnant and I knew the baby had a good chance of surviving if they had to take it out but I wasn't prepared to hear he has any kind of heart problem.

Unfortunately, they were super busy there and we had to wait for them to "mop the floor" of a labor room that had just emptied (gross)! We waited almost 2 hiurs and finally got hooked up to monitors. My seemed rather out of it and not very comforting. The babies heart rate was now down to an average of 135bpm which is totally different! I was pissed bc I thought maybe if we got in sooner they would see his heart racing. Instead I stayed for an hour and they said I could go home now. I wept in the room. I told the nurse I was scared! How am I to know when my babies heart is racing? I can't feel it! Instead I have to wait another week to see the doctor, meanwhile I'm at home like a sobbing mess, counting kicks, being paranoid, and trying to just lay on my side. This is going to be the worst week ever!